i send wacky emailsi decided to send some old classmates some wacky email. consider it a small attempt to freak people out... or at least make them laugh. TO: Kristi A Jensen SUBJECT: uh, ew. hi. i hear you went out and got yourself married. i would rant on and on about how wrong it all is... but i think i'll spare you and just say that it's weird. you probably think it's all cutesy and wonderful. so well, congratulations or something. -jason www.argon18.com (weirdness is a virtue) ---------- TO: Stephen and Rachel Tiller SUBJECT: BFS2K eww, ack shared email accounts. bad bad bad. if i could reach my hand through your screen and spank you both, i would... but as it is, i'll have to do this nicely. Stephen, you have no idea who i am... and this is a good thing, so let's keep it this way. now go into the other room so i can harass your wife. Ha! Hey Rachel, so i hear you went and had yourself a kid. all i gotta say is, "uh, eww. that's gross." You probably think it's all cutesy and wonderful... and i'm sure your little man is... but it's still gross. But what's done is done... so, as you are an upstanding citizen (and i'll just assume this stephen character is too. Of course, i'll bet youre still here reading this, stephen... which tells me that you're not quite as upstanding as i'd thought. we'll have to work on that.), i will say, "do it again!" yes, yes, breed for success, baby! the future is in your hands... or womb... whatever. ok, rach, you can let stephen back in (assuming he left the room which i'm quite certain he hasnt). Stephen, you can put the gun down. i'm not stalking your wife... yet. -jason www.argon18.com/breed_for_success ---------- TO: Michelle Rodrigues SUBJECT: idiots out wandering around so they say youve moved to iowa. i know a lot of people from iowa... from being the key preposition. there's a radio station in Sioux City that has an awesome show on wednesdays at about 1am. i dont know what they play at other times, because i've only been in iowa at about 1am wednesday morning... and i guess it doesnt matter much since i dont remember the station number anyway. all said and done, youre the first person i've known to move to iowa... it's rather amazing in a non-exciting way that fits most of these flat middle states. -jason www.argon18.com (weirdness is a virtue) ---------- TO: Bryan Hubbard SUBJECT: da man they say youre a cop now. how's it feel workin for da man? i guess that should be in caps, Da Man. Anyone call you a pig yet? if not, i'll be the first. PIG! but of course i mean that in the most endearing way. -jason www.argon18.com (where's my get out of jail free card?) ---------- TO: Celest Riggs SUBJECT: umm. so i'm sitting here procrastinating on a history paper and reminiscing about things in my life that have led to me become the absolute weirdo that i am today and i realized that you, probably had some affect on me becoming as odd as i am (though i think my parents get the primary blame...err credit). Though i'm not quite sure how much of it you would get to claim... i'm sure your mother should receive some of the credit too... but considering that i remember very little spanish (though i do remember juan catorce seis) i dont think her slice of credit is very large. and then i was reminising about how you went to wheaton for a while and how i thought that was rather cool, since it meant that i wasnt alone out here in this hellishly boring midwest, but then you moved home... and i felt alone... but those events and feelings were completely unrelated. and then i was remembering how i visited wheaton this past summer because my ex-girlfriend was co-oping (and cheating on me) there and how i thought it was quaint and now i dont give it any thought at all. and then i thought that my ex spoiled wheaton for me, but then i realized that i should think of you when i think of wheaton, instead of her... because i only shared saliva with her a few times, but i shared all four years of my messed up (but totally cool) highschool days with you... not too mention 3 years of spanish (which, again, i dont remember much of) with your mother! -jason www.argon18.com (now in .net and .org flavors! weirdness is a virtue!) |