beckzim16: i'm done talking you too
jasonjyee: ahahahah
jasonjyee: dont be like that.
jasonjyee: deep down you thought that was funny.
jasonjyee: and deeper down i know you still love me.
jasonjyee: : )
jasonjyee: doot doot dooter
jasonjyee: so once upon a time there was a prince
jasonjyee: and a princess
jasonjyee: and a peasant
jasonjyee: well actually there were lots of peasants
jasonjyee: cuz well, you cant have a kingdom with only three people
jasonjyee: so yeah there were lots of peasants...
jasonjyee: but only one peasant is important for our story.
jasonjyee: that peasant's name was olaf
jasonjyee: it might not have been, but we'll call him olaf so that we dont have to call him "the peasant"
jasonjyee: the prince and the princess shall remain nameless... that is to say we will call them prince and princess
jasonjyee: this is more for simplicity than any sort of respect.
jasonjyee: i mean, if the prince was named joe, i'd call him joe, not prince if i met him... cuz yeah, i have no reverence for this prince
jasonjyee: cuz he's made up of course.
jasonjyee: so yeah, we have olaf (the peasant if you've forgotten already), and the prince and the princess
jasonjyee: so one day olaf was out piling up cow manure and doing other nasty peasant like things
jasonjyee: not that peasants only do nasty things... but many of their daily activities are kind of nasty.
jasonjyee: nasty in that dirty mucky way, not in the nasty perverted way
jasonjyee: cuz yeah, this is a fairy tale, not a bow-chicka-bow-bow pr0no kind of tale
jasonjyee: so yeah olaf is doing his shit piling and his nasty stuff when the prince rides up on his horse
jasonjyee: that is the prince's horse, not olaf's horse.
jasonjyee: olaf is a peasant so of course he has no horse.
jasonjyee: he's married to an ugly hag peasant woman who's built like a horse, but yeah... no real horses for olaf
jasonjyee: so anyway the prince ride's up on his horse.
jasonjyee: and olaf stands up from his nasty work and says, "'ello!"
jasonjyee: 'ello is sort of the bright cheery english accented way of saying hello
jasonjyee: but this story doesnt really take place in britain... it's just got the accents, cuz most good fairly tales are medieval
jasonjyee: and medieval implies britain... or holy roman empire...
jasonjyee: but the holy roman empire wasnt holy, roman, or an empire
jasonjyee: and they spoke mostly germanic and italian depending on the geography
jasonjyee: so we use english accents
jasonjyee: so anyway, olaf says, "'ello!"
jasonjyee: as he stands up.
jasonjyee: and the prince says, "dammit! get back down in the filth and bow to me you filthy peasant!"
jasonjyee: well olaf is a bit taken aback by this.
jasonjyee: i mean, he was just trying to be friendly
jasonjyee: he didnt know about proper ettiquette and such things
jasonjyee: after all he'd never met a prince
jasonjyee: i mean, how often do you meet princes riding on horses (their own horses of course) through peasant country side?
jasonjyee: how often do you meet princes in general?
jasonjyee: not very, i'd say.
jasonjyee: i mean, i've never met a prince.
jasonjyee: which is not to say that i represent the general average populous, but still
jasonjyee: i think i can fit to some extent
jasonjyee: i mean, have YOU ever met a prince?
jasonjyee: i didnt think so.
jasonjyee: neither have i so, yeah, i think we both could sort of represent most people.
jasonjyee: most average people
jasonjyee: anyway, olaf is taken aback and he stands there in this state of shock, trying to figure out if he's offended the prince in some manner.
jasonjyee: meanwhile the prince is shouting at him, tellin him to bow
jasonjyee: olaf isnt' the brightest of peasants, so it takes a while for it all to sink in.
jasonjyee: olaf isnt' particularly stupid, he's just a bit slow.
jasonjyee: so olaf finally get's on his knees and manages to stammer "oh, sorry m'lord."
jasonjyee: and the prince, with a tone of disgust, says, "that's better!"
jasonjyee: the prince sits self-satisfied that he has displayed his power
jasonjyee: thinking to himself how grand he is..
jasonjyee: how wonderful and how commanding his voice is over peasants
jasonjyee: meanwhile olaf remains kneeling and looks up quizically at the prince who has this odd grin on his face as he stares out into space
jasonjyee: olaf's knees begin to hurt so he stands back up, and says, "soo..... m'lord, ummm.... what... ummmm.... errr... why..... errrr..."
jasonjyee: olaf is still baffled at the sight of the prince
jasonjyee: olaf's voice snaps the prince back into reality and the prince screams, "aaaaaaarrrrrrrrrghhhhhhhh! gah! WHAT ARE YOU DOING STANDING AGAIN!?!?"
jasonjyee: olaf jumped back and quickly dropped to his knees.
jasonjyee: the prince continued, "gah! stupid peasant. you are to remain kneeling while in the presence of nobility!"
jasonjyee: "oooooh..."
jasonjyee: "remain kneeling while in the presence of nobility. remain kneeling while in the presence of nobility. remain kneeling while in the presence of nobility. remain kneeling while in the presence of nobility."
jasonjyee: olaf repeated this over and over attempting to lock it into his memory.
jasonjyee: "SHUT UP!" screamed the prince.
jasonjyee: "peasants should only speak when spoken to!" declared the prince
jasonjyee: "peasants should only speak when spoken to! peasants should only speak when spoken to! peasants should only speak when spoken to! peasants should only speak when spoken to! peasants should only speak when spoken to!"
jasonjyee: olaf said as he tried to lock the second bit of information into his head.
jasonjyee: "SHUT UP!" screamed the prince again
jasonjyee: at this olaf realized that he had been saying this all out loud.
jasonjyee: "oh... ummm.... errr... sorry, i was..." olaf blurted as he covered his mouth with his poop covered hands
jasonjyee: covering ones mouth with one's poop covered hands is a rather nasty affair.
jasonjyee: it is usually characterized by getting poop in one's mouth.
jasonjyee: this... as you can imagine, is well... nasty.
jasonjyee: and though olaf was used to working with shit, he was not accustomed to eating it.
jasonjyee: olaf began gagging and coughing and spitting to get the manure out of his mouth.
jasonjyee: the prince was enraged by olaf's apparent complete lack of respect.
beckzim16 signed off at 10:30:20 PM.
beckzim16 signed on at 10:30:58 PM.
jasonjyee: back for more?
jasonjyee: so anyway, where was i?
jasonjyee: oh yeah, the prince was so enraged by olaf's apparent lack of respect that he drew his sword and shouted, "ENOUGH!"
jasonjyee: olaf, still poopmouthed, didnt really notice the flailing sword and shouting prince.
jasonjyee: he just continued gagging and spitting.
jasonjyee: the prince screamed and shouted, to no avail.
jasonjyee: i'll bet your wondering, "but what about the princess?!"
jasonjyee: most girls do... i think they tend to have more empathy for the female characters of the story.
jasonjyee: well actually character... because there's only one princess.
jasonjyee: and we already listed the three main characters as olaf, the prince and the princess.
jasonjyee: and of course, olaf and the prince are not female.
jasonjyee: and the princess, well she could be a transvestite, transsexual or other things... but well, we've already said that this is not one of those nasty bow-chicka-bow-bow pr0no type stories.
jasonjyee: so yeah, we can just assume that the princess is a female
jasonjyee: but enough about the princess, she'll come later.
jasonjyee: and you';ll like her... if not because she's female, but cuz she's pretty cool
jasonjyee: that is pretty meaning really... though she is also pretty meaning beautiful
jasonjyee: i mean, we cant have an ugly princess.
jasonjyee: that would be a dumb fairy taile
jasonjyee: tale
jasonjyee: no one wants to hear about ugly princesses... unless they turn into pretty ones later on
jasonjyee: like if theyre cursed by a witch when theyre young
jasonjyee: and they need the kiss of their true love to turn them back into pretty princesses.
jasonjyee: but yeah, there's no ugly curse in this story.
jasonjyee: so there's no need for an ugly princess.
jasonjyee: so all we have is a pretty princess... who's female, the prince, who's male and is currently waving a sword and screaming, and olaf, who is also male and is currently gagging and spitting cuz he's got shit in his mouth.
jasonjyee: clear?
jasonjyee: good
jasonjyee: the prince has had enough of the gagging and spitting and takes a swing at olaf with his sword.
jasonjyee: now, in the movies and on tv, taking swings at people with swords while riding a horse looks easy.
jasonjyee: i mean, russell crowe makes it look easy in gladiator.
jasonjyee: heck, he even makes it look SEXY!
jasonjyee: cuz, damn, that is one sexy man.
jasonjyee: but the prince is neither russell crowe, nor is he damn sexy.
jasonjyee: he's not ugly
jasonjyee: but he's not sexy.
jasonjyee: and there is no ugly curse on the prince either.
jasonjyee: there's no ugly curse on olaf, while we're talking about ugly curses.
jasonjyee: ugly curses of the supernatural kind... not ugly curses which are actually ugly genes from ugly parents
jasonjyee: that's the real curse, having ugly parents and being born ugly
jasonjyee: cuz well, you cant kiss that and make it go away.
jasonjyee: all you can do is find a good plastic surgeon.
jasonjyee: and well, they dont exist in the fairy tale medieval world
jasonjyee: so yeah, it's an uncurable curse, the ugly gene curse.
jasonjyee: but anyway, taking swings with a sword from a horse is not easy.
jasonjyee: infact, if you have a great sword like the prince, it;s probably the most difficult thing you can do in your life.
jasonjyee: great swords are a class of swords typical of the northern regions of europe.
jasonjyee: typically scotland, norway, denmark, etc.
jasonjyee: these swords require two hands to use... two hands attached to two very strong arms.
jasonjyee: that is one hand per arm, not two arms per hand
jasonjyee: that would be really freakish.
jasonjyee: that would be worse than the ugly gene or the ugly curse
jasonjyee: yeah, so great swords are heavy and hard to weild.
jasonjyee: on horseback this is exacerbated
jasonjyee: so the prince takes a mighty swing at olaf, and of course, he misses... and also of course, he ends up falling off his horse and into the pile of manure that olaf has been stacking.
jasonjyee: the prince, now covered in shit, slips and slides and screams obscenities at olaf, his horse (the prince's not olaf's - we already said olaf doesnt have a horse), and his sword (again,t he prince's sword, not olaf's - olaf doesnt have a sword either).
jasonjyee: screaming while slipping and sliding in shit is not a bright idea
jasonjyee: it's even less bright than covering one's mouth with poop covered hands
jasonjyee: as you can imagine, the prince ended up with poop in his mouth.
jasonjyee: at this, the prince dropped his sword and began heaving and gagging and spitting
jasonjyee: in a manner not too different from olaf.
jasonjyee: you see, nobility has no bearing on poopmouth.
jasonjyee: it is as nasty to the lowliest and the highest.
jasonjyee: but the prince was not concerned with this moral... he only wanted the poop from his mouth.
jasonjyee: it was at this point in the story that the princess arrived
jasonjyee: on horseback of course... no princess would be walking through a peasant's poop field
jasonjyee: olaf and the prince didnt seem to notice the princess however as they were more preoccupied with removing the poop from their mouths
jasonjyee: the princess was rather upset by the prince's and olaf's lack of respect towards her
jasonjyee: actually she was rather angered by all the spitting and gagging and complete lack of attention to herself.
jasonjyee: not that she was conceited or self absorbed, but well these two guys didnt even realize she was there
jasonjyee: and that is just rude
jasonjyee: i mean, no eye contact, no 'ello
jasonjyee: nothing.
jasonjyee: this is rather rude...even in our day.
jasonjyee: even though i've never met a princess
jasonjyee: and i'm sure you havent either.
jasonjyee: i'm sure that the least respectable thing you could do is make eyecontct and say 'ello
jasonjyee: if not bow
jasonjyee: or kneel
jasonjyee: or whatever
jasonjyee: but olaf and the prince didnt do any of this.
jasonjyee: the princess screamed and shouted at them, but they still didnt notice her.
jasonjyee: the princess would not stand for such disrespect.
jasonjyee: the princess dismounted her horse
jasonjyee: drew her sword
jasonjyee: and *sching* *sching*
jasonjyee: cut off the heads of olaf and the prince
jasonjyee: note taht she dismounted first.
jasonjyee: the princess was rather satisfied with herself.
jasonjyee: it was a rather messy deed, but she had managed to kill each with a single stroke.
jasonjyee: as she leaned over to examine the bloody severed heads, the stench of the manure hit her.
jasonjyee: the smell of dead bodies double whammied her.
jasonjyee: the princess heaved and doubled over gagging from the horrible odors
jasonjyee: as she did she lost her footing on the slippery slimey manure.
jasonjyee: while the princess was careful to dismount first, she was not careful to resheath her sword.
jasonjyee: as she slipped the sword twisted in her hand and *whop*
jasonjyee: she lopped of her own head on the razor sharp blade
jasonjyee: the princess's head rolled around in the muck and landed next to olaf's and the prince's
jasonjyee: this is a rather disgusting sight
jasonjyee: not for children.
jasonjyee: maybe not even for adults
jasonjyee: and certainly not for horses
jasonjyee: as the prince's horse and the princess's horse turned away from the horrid mess of bodies, they noticed each other.
jasonjyee: they locked eyes (mostly for fear of seeing the nasty massacre)
jasonjyee: with no one to mount them, the horses walked off into the sunset together to find new riders.
jasonjyee: hehehe
jasonjyee: : )
jasonjyee: ; )
jasonjyee: THE END!
jasonjyee: FIN!